He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
Randomize
