Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
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