So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
Randomize
