Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
Randomize
