You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
Myspace is for pedophiles and tweakers in the 818 trying to hook up. I always forget theres music there too
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
Randomize
