I want to make a zoo with you.
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
Randomize
