He asked to "fluff my boner.."
hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
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