Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize