Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
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