We saw some woman wearing leather pants. It was weird. We have decided to follow her on her travels to see where people go in leather pants in Michigan.
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
Randomize
