he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
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