i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
Ketchup is God's man juice
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
Randomize
