just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
Randomize
