i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
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