Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
So about class tomorrow..... i,ll be there. But I may be still a bit drink and wearing a suit. I'll explain when I get there.
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
