I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
i used baking grease as lip gloss
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
Randomize
