Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
Randomize
