He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
I know you're having some issues right now but can we focus on the gangbang?
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
Randomize
