Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
Randomize
