used his ipod to set the mood...1st song was livin on a prayr 2nd song was disco stick
i expected more from guys that i meet at the jersey shore.
saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
Randomize
