i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
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