My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
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