After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
Randomize
