speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
God, you're like boner-b-gone
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
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