Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
Randomize
