thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
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