apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
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