The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
Randomize
