how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
Randomize
