Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
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