Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
Randomize
