i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
Randomize
