come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
It's rum buckets o'clock
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
Randomize
