this beer tastes like vomit already
Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
The chlamydia really affected his face.
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
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