At what point did we cease to have vaginas?
Sometime in the sweat pants phase freshman year.
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
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