I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
Why is your signature on my underwear?
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
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