There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
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