my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
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