I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
if i can run in heels then i can drive
I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
honey bunches of taint.
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
