I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
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