That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
Randomize
