I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
Randomize
