Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
Randomize
