I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
I have peed in a lot of sinks
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
I think I just sharted jello shots
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
Randomize
