You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
i'm going through the NYU 2014 group looking for future drunken hookups. too slutty?
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
Randomize
