Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
Randomize
