I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
Randomize
