i blew a .213 what kind of thug blows the compton area code exactly? this guy
guys are not supposed to queef...right?
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
Randomize
