Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
Randomize
