Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
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