first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
Just watched a UNI fan at the bar lick the tears off of a KU fans face.. See what march madness does to people
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
Randomize
