lets start a swedish sibling band together
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
Randomize
