Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
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