The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
Randomize
